Tonio: Jiles, get your butt down here!

Jiles: (runs down stairs from light booth) What is it?

Tonio: (holds up basket) I beleive that this belongs to you.

Jiles: (looks it over) Ah. (puts it on table or chair)

Tonio: So what is it?

Jiles: I believe it's called a basket.

Tonio: I'm a gay male, I know what a gift basket is.

Jiles: Oh no, my good friend, is a Ella Almay 'sorry basket'.

Tonio: What?

Jiles: Yup. Ella was never very good at saying she was sorry, so she makes baskets.

Tonio: What, does she have her maids put one together?

Jiles: No, actually Ella makes them all herself. It's always something she's been good at.

Tonio: So I'm guessing you've gotten one of these before.

Jiles: Once. One night she dropped a line and just stared at me. I tryed to get her going by saying things to hint at it, but she just stared at me. Later when some local reporter asked her about it, she said that it was my fault. I read it, and I got one of these.

Tonio: Why would she say that?

Jiles: She just didn't want to look bad, and she knew that it wouldn't matter as much if it was something that I did, because I just wasn't as into as she was.

Tonio: So what's in this one?

Jiles: Well, (begins to unwrap it) Homemade cookies. (throws them in the trash)

Tonio: Why did you just throw away some perfectly good cookies?

Jiles: Trust me, Ella made them. They're lethal.

Tonio: That bad, huh?

Jiles: Starving children in Bangladesh would say 'no thank you'. Let's see.... hm, an apple? A mini statue of liberty? An I heart NY shirt? A remote control taxi??? Oh, and what's this? (holds it up, and starts reading)

Tonio: What is it?

Jiles: It's a one way ticket to New York City. (pause) How could she do this?

Tonio: Oh yes, god forbid someone buys you a first class plane ticket to the most amazing city in the world. I see what you mean, this girl is just a witch!

Jiles: That's not what I mean. I told her I couldn't go, she's just trying to change my mind.

Tonio: Ya know you should seriously consider her offer.

Jiles: I have, it's a no.

Tonio: