Jiles: If you were a song, what would you be called?

Allison: 'Like A Virgin'.

Molly: 'I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt'!

Tootie: 'YMCA'!

Jiles: That's so stereotypical.

Tootie: And 'Like A Virgin' isn't?

Jiles: Fine. What is the worst pick-up line you ever heard?

Tootie: Did you eat Cambells soup today? Cause you look mm mm good!

Molly: Is that top felt? Would you like it to be?

Allison: No one's ever used such phrases on me.

Tootie: Did you just feel my butt?

Allison: NO!

Tootie: Why not? There, you've officially been picked-up on.

Jiles: THAT'S appropriate. (pause) Okay, uh, if you were a sign, what would you say?

Molly: Caution: Curves ahead!

Allison: No trespassing!

Jiles: Tootie?

Tootie: Easy, enter in rear.

Tonio: I come bearing gifts!

Molly: You come bearing the remains of poor sliced up baby cows!

Ella: Lovely.

Jiles: Jesus Christ....

Allison: What about him?

Jiles: Nevermind...

Allison: Shouldn't we pray first?

Jiles: Um, sure. Well....Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yay god.

Tootie: Um, this isn't a salad.

Tonio: Observant, aren't we?

Allison: Is this kosher?

Jiles: No, it's grilled.

Molly: Hey, wanna see me do a handstand while I sing the star-spangled banner?

Jiles: Why is that impressive?

Molly: I'm Canadian! (does a handstand and starts to sing it)

Tootie: But sweetie I asked you to get me a salad. I'm watching my weight.

Tonio: Why? I think you're perfect.

Tootie: Well did you ever stop to think for a second that maybe this wasn't about you? I mean, god forbid I do something to make myself happy!

Allison: God would never forbid that. He wants you to be happy.

Tonio: Shut-up!

Jiles: You do realize you just told the Virgin Mary to shut-up.

Tonio: What's she going to do? Smite me?

Allison: (hisses)

Tootie: Tonio, stop it!

(Molly stops)

Jiles: Why'd you stop?

Molly: I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Tonio: You love their hamburgers, why don't you check that they remembered the onions.

Tootie: I don't really care, because I'm not gonna eat it.

Tonio: Just check.

Tootie: No, I don't want it!

Toinio: Fine, I'll eat it!

Tootie: I don't know what he's so worked up about. Molly, er, Pamela can I have some of your fries?

Molly: Of course, (puts it in her mouth) But you've got to get it yourself.

Tootie: No, thank you.

Molly: Come on, you know you want it. (stands on table)

Tootie: Yeah, ya know what, I'm just gonna take one from Mary.

Allison: (slaps him) No!

Tootie: What?!?!

Allison: I gave birth to the guy who died for your sins! Let me eat my French fries in piece!

Tootie: (mumbled) You'll be eating in pieces in a few seconds.

Jiles: Here, take mine. (passes fries to Tootie)

Molly: What? Are my French fries not good enough for you?

Tootie: Sorry honey, I don't swing that way.

Molly: Oh I think you do, you just need a little push. (gets right in his face on hands and knees)

Tootie: I think you need a little push off the table.

Molly: Oh, feisty! I like them that way! (swigs back the rest of her drink)

Allison: Should she really be allowed to drink this much?

Jiles: Well don't tell her, but it's apple cider.

Tootie: Here, eat meat! (stuffs hamburger in her mouth)

Molly: (spits it out) You did NOT just put meat in my mouth!

Tootie: I have a feeling it's NOT the first time.

Molly: I am a VEGAN! I don't eat meat! Look at this, this used to be a cow, a living, breathing cow. One that provided milk, ate cud and mooed. MOOED!

Tootie: Alright, Princess PETA settle down.

Molly: No! I will not sit back while you devour helpless animals!

Jiles: (turns to Ella) I'm really sorry about this, I'm sure this isn't what you had in mind.

Ella: No it's um, better. Dinner and a show, ya know?

Jiles: Yeah, right.

Molly: (Tootie is now eating hamburger) That's right enjoy it. Enjoy munching on the bloody guts of your fellow mammals! Just picture that poor little animal as it's dragged off to the slaughterhouse crying tiny little cow tears from its wide cow eyes. Crying for it's mommy. Moo-mmy! Moo-my! How does that- (Tootie takes a fork and pops one of her balloons, Molly is clearly distressed and runs offstage yelling) TOMMY!!!!

Ella: So Tonio, what exactly is it that you do?

Tonio: Make ugly broads look like their faces haven't caught on fire and then put out with a fork.

Ella: Oh, that's... interesting. What kind of clients do you usually get?

Tonio: Well they usually just want to look good for weddings, funerals, reunions, 'date night'. God, date night, could you get more pathetic?

Tootie: I think date night's a cute idea.

Tonio: Yeah, cause you're not the one who has to pay for it.

Tootie: Well at least the six-month anniversary gif I gave you didn't come out of a cereal box.

Tonio: Well I don't know what kind of cereal you're eating, but it sure as hell don't come with cologne in it.

Tootie: The point is that you put no thought in your gift!

Tonio: I'm sorry honey, I'm a little strapped for cash right now.

Tootie: What are you talking about? YOu made a bunch of money off that wedding you just did, and you fragrantly over-charged them!

Tonio: I know, I know...

Tootie: Then where's all that money going, huh? You don't have someone on the side, do you?

Tonio: No of course not.

Tootie: Well you don't like to gamble, or drink, or do drugs. So tell me, what's going on?

Tonio: I can't tell you, not now.

Tootie: If you're cheating on me, you need to tell me now.

Tonio: I could not be farther away from that!

Tootie: Is that why you bought me that cologne? Is that the kind your boyfriend wears?

Tonio: There's no boy!

Tootie: You're cheating on me with a woman?

Tonio: No one's cheating!

Tootie: Someone's lieing.

Molly: Ya know, I was the 'Tool Time Girl' once, but then I just said screw it. (laughs hysterically, snorting if possible)

Tonio: Tootie, do you honestly think that I'm lying to you right now? Do you think that I would dare cheat on you? That I would even want to?

Tootie: I don't know, it would sure explain a lot. The long hours, the lack of money, the gift...

Tonio: Alright, ya know what? I'm done with this. (pulls out 'burger' from bag, and takes out ring from buns) You se this? Yeah, it's a ring. An engagement ring! I was going to propose to you, but you apparently think that I"m just a lying cheating boyfriend, and I don't think that I can get behind a relationship like this. I spent al those hours working to get extra money to buy you that ring, and that's why the anniversary gift was kind of lame. But you've made your thoughts on my character pretty clear, and I'm just tired of this. I'm done! (puts ring in pocket and walks off)

Tootie: Tonio, wait! (follows him)

Tonio: No, I'm going to bed. (they walk off stage)

Allison: Well, this evening has been highly inappropriate, and I feel my presence here is no longer necessary. Good night.

Ella: So, they're quite lively.

Jiles: Yeah, try living them.

Ella: Well I'm sure it's exciting.

Jiles: Not as exciting as good ol' NY.

Ella: I don't know, I'm begining to tire of the minimum wage jobs, rude casting directors, long hours doing nothing but and dance and sing until you feel like you've been shot. I think it's time for me to stop accepting those ensemble roles, but the only problem is, that I won't be able to accept any roles.

Jiles: Why?

Ella: I'm just not what they're looking for usually. I'm either too blonde, too skinny, too fat, too soprano, too old, too 'green' too everything! I'm begining to think I'm just too ELLA!

Jiles: Now, that's not true. You're great.

Ella: But Jiles, so were you. I mean, don't you want to get back on stage?

Jiles: Well, ya, but it sounds like it's not so hot out there right now.

Ella: Sure on Broadway but off...that's a slightly different story.

Jiles: What do you mean?

Ella: Well, my friend has just written the most sublime show, good music, great dialogue, minimum dancing.

Jiles: I never was much of a dancer....

Ella: And he wants to open as soon as possible, but you see, there is just one problem.

Jiles: What?

Ella: We don't have a male lead yet.

Jiles: I see.

Ella: And well, I'm the female lead in it, so I would need someone I had great chemistry with and quite frankly, everyone who tried for the part were far too dull and stupid to be even associated with theater. I couldn't connect with anyone. But you Jiles, you would be perfect! Just think about it, we have a great connection, you miss theater, and I need a male lead! It's fate.

Jiles: Well first off, when did I say I missed theater?

Ella: Come on Jiles you must! I mean, you have to. It's your life.

Jiles: Was my life.

Allison: I really need your help, this male part is supposed to be someone I can fall in love with, and do you remember the reviews we used to get? Almost the whole article was a rave about our fabulous chemistry, and how totally believable we were in each and every show we acted alongside in.

Jiles: I know, there's still clippings hanging in the make-up room.

Allison: And I bet you still read them sometimes, because honestly, who doesn't like to be told they're fabulous?

Jiles: I do.

Ella: So truthfully, why don't you come?

Jiles: I don't know, I just don't feel right leaving.

Ella: What's holding you back? You don't have any family to keep you here, and friends? You'll make plenty of new ones in New York. I mean honestly, who doesn't like to be the cool hip actor's friend?

Jiles: They were never the kind of friends I wanted.

Ella: But you'll have me! And you know I can be a handful myself. Come on. There's never going to be a better oppurtunity for you than this.

Jiles: I believe you.

Ella: So you'll come?

Jiles: Ella, I'm really focused on my book, and I don't want to be distracted by anything else.

Ella: You don't think this place is distracting? Come on! And seriously, do you actually think your book will get anywhere? Jiles, who is going to take you serious? You're homeless. But if you got famous, you could get a great publisher, and could sell millions.

Jiles: I know what your saying is true, but it's just not what I want to do. This place inspires me more than it distracts, and do you think that Samuel Laghorne Clemens was famous before he wrote his book?

Ella: Pretty sure he's still not famous. I've never heard of him.

Jiles: His pen name is Mark Twain.

Ella: Oh.

Jiles: I really do appreciate the offer, and I do see what it's worth. I really am happy that you would think of me after all these years, but honestly. I just can't go.

Ella: What if I promised you the twice the salary of any person on Broadway.

Jiles: Well first off that's impossible, and secondly, nothing is going to change my answer.

Ella: No you're right, but what if I promised you a book deal?

Jiles: What do you mean?

Ella: I mean, my uncle owns a big publishing company, almost half the books he publishes end up on the best sellers list. And he loves his niece, and I'm certain that he'd have no problem if I called in a little favor. And Jiles you're so creative I'm sure it's totally spectacular.

Jiles: You don't even know what it's about.

Ella: Oh, right. Why don't you tell me?

Jiles: Well it's about....people.

Ella: People.

Jiles: Yeah, just people, how they deal with their problems and stuff.

Ella: Well there's got to be more to it than that.

Jiles: No, not really.

Ella: Why do I have a feeling you're lieing to me?

Jiles: You never did believe my acting.

Ella: No, but everyone else seemed to. Well, whatever it is I'm sure it's worth being read.

Jiles: I hope so.

Ella: Oh god, would ya look at the time.... I'm late for an appointment.

Jiles: Gee you didn't even clear your evening for me?

Ella: I did, but then right before I got here, my agent called and told me-

Jiles: Say no more.

Ella: I really am sorry.

Jiles: I know.

Ella: Thanks for dinner. (kisses his cheek) It was....fun. (starts to leave) I'll um, call you or something.

Prepping for surgery, Molly's sleeping, Allison's not. Molly snores loudly.

Jiles: Is Molly asleep? (Molly makes a VERY loud snoring noise)

Tootie: Sure sounds it.

Tonio: She better be, I used the last two niquels on her.

Jiles: Alright, well Allison is in the kitchen, so I'll get her and bring her to the van.

Tonio: Well hurry up, I don't know how long this whole sleeping things is going to last, and if she wakes up as some sort of saumurai or somethin' we're screwed.

Jiles: (goes into kitchen) Allison? (pause) Allison, are you ready? (Allison nods) Allison?

Allison: Yeah.

Jiles: Are you ready to go?

Allison: Ya, um, can you just like, sit down for a sec?

Jiles: Ya sure. (sits) What's up?

Allison: Truth or dare?

Jiles: I feel like this is NOT the time for a game.

Allison: Well I think it's the perfect time. Now, truth or dare?

Jiles: Truth.

Allison: Why are you putting yourself through so much to be with a girl like me?

Jiles: Ah....really?

Allison: Go.

Jiles: Alright.... I do it because you're different, you're not like anyone other person I've ever met.

Jiles: Do I get one?

Allison: Sure.

Jiles: I dare you to tell me how you REALLY feel about me.

Allison: Ya know you're right, we're going to be late.

(Jiles is left sitting there)

Allison: Okay, green is officially not my color.

Jiles: You always look cute. Heck, you even look cute when you were a Wookie.

Allison: Not one of my best days.... so have you finished yet?

Jiles: Um, no just revising some stuff.

Allison: Booooring.

Jiles: Not oooooptional.

Allison: Well ya, if you want it to get published I guess. Is that really what you want though?

Jiles: What else would I want?

Allison: I don't know, for some people they just like to get stuff out. Put it on paper. I mean, that's what I do.

Jiles: Allison Amelia! I've known you for 2 years, and I had no idea you wrote.

Allison: Well ya. Sometimes I write poetry, sometimes just notes. I mean it's nothing good, but I like it. And I guess that's all that matters.

Jiles: When do you write it?

Allison: Usually right after I take my make-up off or right before I go to bed. I know my life's not so hard or anything, but it's different and it just helps sometimes to get all of the mangled thoughts straight by putting them on paper. Ya know?

Jiles: Deffinitly. So can I hear some of it?

Allison: Over my dead body.

Jiles: What?

Allison: No way, it's way too personal for ANYONE to read. Even me sometimes.

Jiles: Come on.

Allison: No! Besides you won't let anyone read your story.

Jiles: I will eventually, just not yet. It's unfinished. Who wants to read an unfinished story?

Allison: Well that’s one way to avoid a bad ending.

Jiles: But shouldn’t it be conclusive?

Allison: I don’t think so.

Jiles: But what if I don’t want it to be a cliff hanger?

Allison: It won’t be, it will just be unfinished. You’ll have your own idea of what comes next, it just won’t be on the page.

Jiles: But I have to finish it somehow, even if it’s not with a real ending.

Allison: Whatever.

Jiles: Besides, what do you have against endings anyway? Not all endings are cliché.

Allison: Because endings mean something’s over. And I don’t like when things are done.

Jiles: Not even wars? Killing sprees? Bad infomercials?

Allison: No, because I feel like something comes out of all of them, and when they end, things stop coming out.

Jiles: You’re odd.

Allison: I know. And hungry.

Jiles: I can make you something.

Allison: Nah, that’s alright. I think I’ll make myself some pancakes.

Jiles: At midnight?

Allison: Now’s as good a time as any. (goes into kitchen) Do you want some?

Jiles: No that’s alright.

Allison: Are ya sure?

Jiles: Mhmm.

Allison: Fine, then I’ll just make them for myself. Do we have syrup?

Jiles: Uh ya, I think Tonio picked some up.

Allison: Found it. (a loud clanging noise erupts from the kitchen, sound of multiple bowls falling)

Jiles: Need some help in there?

Allison: No. Jiles are sure you don’t want one?

Jiles: I’m sure.

Allison: Alright then, I’ll just one giant colossal pancake, the Shamu of all pancakes! The Godzilla of flowery foods, the Paul Bunyon of buttery masses!

Jiles: You do that.

Allison: (comes out) Not impressed?

Jiles: Sorry.

Allison: Well now I have to wait for it to cook.

Jiles: That was fast.

Allison: Well it’s pretty much the only real food I know how to make, so I’ve gotten pretty good at it. For some reason they must have taught it at night, and that’s how I remember. Because I’m sure that the school made us make cupcakes and stuff too. I just don’t remember how I did it.

Jiles: Well I think I'd rather know how to make pancakes than brownies or something. Pancakes are far more practical.

Allison: Because practicallity is what I strive for.

Jiles: Of course. (Allison goes over to the window and opens it)

Allison: God, why is it so smelly in here?

Jiles: Oh, I think Tootie brought down all his high-heels so he can wash them tomorrow.

Allison: God, it's awful.

Jiles: Well you could always open up a window.

Allison: Brilliant idea. (runs over and opens a window) I love the smell of outside after it rains. (pause) The stars are nice.

Jiles: They're nothing new.

Allison: I remember once someone said that if the stars weren't there all the time, we'd appreciate them more.

Jiles: I guess that's true.

Allison: Do you think maybe I'm like the stars?

Jiles: Sure.

Allison: Not always around, so, you kind of appreciate it more when I'm here. I mean, do you appreciate it more?

Jiles: I guess.

Allison: You guess?

Jiles: Ya.

Allison: You miss me.

Jiles: Really?

Allison: Yes. (grabs his mouth) I miss Allison all the time, I wish I could be around her alllllll day.

Jiles: You're delusional.

Allison: You're stubborn.

Jiles: You're a horrible chef.

Allison: You're a procrastinator!

Jiles: You're-- kinda beautiful. (they kiss, for a while until)

Allison: Pancakes!

Jiles: What?

Allison: The pancakes! (runs into kitchen, comes out with pan and with very burnt pancake in it) Oh no...

Jiles: Ah it's not that bad.

Allison: Jiles it's burnt.

Jiles: No it's just...crispy.

Allison: Jiles, it's ruined.

Jiles: I think it's gonna be okay. You can make another batch.

Allison: We don't have anymore flour....

Jiles: I can go get some.

Allison: By the time you get back I....

Jiles: Oh, right.

Allison: I'm sorry.

Jiles: No, no it's not your fault. I shouldn't have distracted you.

Allison: At least it was a good distraction.

Jiles: I think so. Besides, I'm more in the mood for cereal.

Allison: Hmm...(runs into kitchen) What kind?

Jiles: How about Captain Crunch?

Allison: That's my favorite!

Jiles: Fancy that.

Allison: Ya know, I never did like that raisin, wheat stuff. I just thought it was wrong. Cereal is such a kids food, the sanctitiy of it should be....well, sacred and stuff.

Jiles: I second that!

Allison: There ya go.

Jiles: Do you know how much sugar is in this stuff?

Allison: You're ruining the mood.

Jiles: What mood?




Allison: This is nice.

Jiles: Ya.

Allison: Ya know, I think I only need two men in my life to make me totally happy.

Jiles: Oh really?

Allison: You and Captain Crunch.

Jiles: Ya....

Allison: It's too bad we couldn't do this all the time, just at night and stuff. I think that's pretty lame.

Jiles: I would have to agree.

Allison: Jiles, do you miss me? I mean, really.

Jiles: Allison, you're always here.

Allison: Ya, but do you miss me when I'm not me?

Jiles: Well I guess that's a fair question. Yes, I suppose I do miss you a little. But I always get you back at night.

Allison: Ya, but what if it wasn't just at night ya know? Like, if it was all the time?

Jiles: Well funny you should mention that... (Allison tilts her head, questioning) I was actually talking to someone, someone pretty important.

Allison: Barak Obama?

Jiles: Not quite. I was talking to a doctor that I had come across online. He's pretty famous, like, he's founded a bunch of organizations and charities and stuff, good stuff.

Allison: So?

Jiles: Well I found an article that he wrote about your condition. And I thought it was pretty interesting, so I e-mailed him and told him about you.

Allison: I'm flattered.

Jiles: So he said that you deffinitly had INSERT DISEASE NAME HERE, and that he was actually working on a procedure to fix the part of the brain that makes you do that. He told me all about it, but I can't really remember the details. Lots of big words, important names, it sounds legit.

Allison: So what are you saying?

Jiles: I'm saying that he could fix that part of your brain so that you'll remember everyday, not just the night. And you won't wake up like someone different anymore. Isn't that great?

Allison: Um, sure.

Jiles: Why aren't you excited?

Allison: Um, I don't know. It's just all really fast I guess.

Jiles: Well it's not like I've scheduled anything.

Allison: No, but you want to, don't you?

Jiles: Well ya, I think it'd be a pretty good idea.

Allison: But you need my consent.

Jiles: Actually....

Allison: What? You don't need my consent? I'm an adult!

Jiles: An adult with a mental condition that could by their standards affect your judgment.

Allison: What?

Jiles: Don't worry, I won't force you into anything. I just figured you would want this.

Allison: Why would you think that?

Jiles: You just said that it would be great if we could be together all the time.

Allison: Ya, I also say that I want a pegacorn but you don't see me going out and buying one!

Jiles: What the heck's pegacorn?

Allison: It's a unicorn mixed with a pegasus! Duh.

Jiles: Did you ever think maybe the reason you couldn't buy one was because they don't exist?

Allison: That's not the point.

Jiles: You're right, the point is, this is a good idea. Why aren't you excited?

Allison: You really don't get it do you?

Jiles: Care to enlighten me?

Allison: You've only talked to this guy on the phone, you've never actually met him, and all the stuff you know about him is off the internet, which is quite frankly not the most reliable source. How could you not understand? You're following this guy blindly!

Jiles: I did so much research!

Allison: I did too! There are MULTIPLE websites that say pagacorns are real!

Jiles: Would you let go of the freaking pegacorns?!?

Allison: I will let go of the pegacorns when you let me make my own decisions!

Jiles: Allison what just happened, the kissing... I know that you care about me.

Allison: So what?

Jiles: So what? I want to be with you, and I can't be with you if you're only really around a few hours a day! If you get this surgery, just imagine it. Don't you want to be like everyone else?

Allison: No, actually I don't.

Jiles: That's not what I meant. I mean

Jiles: I always found it strange the way that Wendy reacted to Peter. I mean if some strange kid I didn't know was in my bedroom, I wouldn't say 'Boy why are you crying?' I would say 'I've got a gun and I know how to use it!'

Tootie: She's a pale little 14-year-old English girl. I doubt she knew how to seem threatening.

Jiles: I don't know, but she didn't have to just up and leave with him, I mean, that's how kids get abducted.

Tootie: It was Peter Pan, not some creepy old guy in a white van.

Jiles: But still, it's days like this that make me worry.

Tootie: I know what you mean, if I hadn't been there....

Jiles: You didn't rent Peter Pan or something recently did you?

Tootie: No, that must be from before the they came here.

Jiles: I'm always amazed by the amount of movies and tv shows they must have watched back then.

Tootie: Do you think they'll ever run out of characters?

Jiles: I don't know, I mean every movie has an infinate amount of characters and-

Allison: Just think lovely thoughts, think lovely thoughts.

Jiles: A-Peter, I told you, you can't fly. Now please, please come down from there.

Allison: And you were right, because I didn't have my pixie dust then, but now I do. So all I need to do is think lovely, wonderful thoughts and up I'll -

Molly: My prince! (hugs her from behind, bringing her down to the floor)

Allison: What?

Molly: Are you not the prince? The one that I've been waiting for all my life?

Allison: Well...

Molly: The one that I braid my hair for every morning? The one I learn sweet songs for to impress you? I mean, I've been waiting my whole life for my prince to come, and lets face it there ain't too much to do from this height. God. Do you know how boring it is up here? And everyday the only person I can talk to is that witch! My life sucks. No, no really it does. My parents gave me up for some cabbage, and my new mother stuck me up here where the only people I can carry a conversation with are sky-divers! No one comes to visit me, no one wants to talk to the hairy freak! I'm sorry if this sounds all 'Woah is me' but my god, can't a girl talk to a guy for FIVE MINUTES! God forbid I have ANY contact with the outside world. No, all I do is sit here braiding my hair, preparing myself for the one day when my prince will come. I mean if I had to wait ONE more day I would just kill myself! So, are you or are you not the prince that has come to save me?

Allison: Um, no?

Molly: Alright I'm jumping.

Allison: No, wait!

Molly: Why?

Allison: Well, I may not be your prince, but I could pretend to be. I am quite good at pretending.

Molly: Are you?

Allison: Most certainly.

Molly: Well, before you go to Neverland, why don't you stay here for a bit, and we can pretend to care what each other has to say.

Allison: I would be delighted, madam. To the make-up room? (offers her arm, Molly takes it)

Molly: My good sir, you might just make the finest prince I would have imagined. Yes, onward. (go into the make-up room)

Tootie: Looks like you've got some competition.

Jiles: I was never was one for guys in tights.

Tootie: And I always was....

Molly: I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!

Allison: You stay back you evil witch, or I shall cast a spell on you, and turn you blue!

Molly: Blue?

Allison: Ba-lue!

Molly: You wouldn't dare.

Allison: Don't try me.

Molly: You better watch out Glindy, or-

Allison: What? You'll drop a house on me?

Molly: You....(chases Allison offstage poking her with her broom)

(Tootie is sitting at Jiles desk typing)

Jiles: What are you doing?

Tootie: Well, today is my sixth month anniversery with Tonio, and I found this cute little website where you can customize cards and then just print them off. It is far cheaper than buying one, which is good after I spent so much money on his gift. Plus, it's personalized so it's kinda special.

Jiles: Where did you get the money?

Tootie: Well, I kinda have been preforming at 'The Ritz' downtown.

Jiles: In drag?

Tootie: You know I don't do that anymore. I mean, sure I'd make more money that way, but no. I need to man up.

Jiles: So how many nights did you preform?

Tootie: Five.

Jiles: So you used 5 nights worth of money for the gift?

Tootie: Well ya. I mean it ain't much, but I don't know. I wanted it to be nice. After all it's six-months, I can't even REMEMBER my last relationship that lasted that long. I really like this one.

Jiles: I know ya do. You seem a lot happier now that you're with him.

Tootie: Well you know you could be just as happy if you would just tell that girl-

Jiles: You know it's not that easy.

Tootie: I know, it's all quite phsycological. I understand.

Jiles: So what exactly did you get him?

Tootie: It's a pocket watch.

Jiles: That's perfect.

Tootie: I know, I mean I that old rusted one can't possibly last much longer at this point.

Jiles: Ya, I guess.

Tootie: And look, it's 30 carats, and silver! It'll go so much better with his outfits. Plus, he's not old enough for gold. And look, I even had it engraved. I know it's cheesy, but....

Jiles: Time after time, I still find myself thinking of you. Wow, a Cindy Lauper and Katy Perry referance in one foul swoop. Impressive.

Tootie: I try. (a noise of Tonio coming) He's coming, skidaddle! (Tonio enters) Hey, Honey.

Tonio: Hi.

Tootie: How was your day?

Tonio: Crappy.

Tootie: I'm sorry. (Tonio puts the gift on the table) Oooh what's this?

Tonio: Six months right?

Tootie: Um yeah. Oh, Abercrombie.

Tonio: Yeah you like that don't you?

Tootie: Sure, I guess.

Tonio: You guess?

Tootie: I don't know, I just well...nevermind. Here. (hands him the gift)

Tonio: A pocket watch? But Hon, I already have a pocket watch.

Tootie: Not a gold one.

Tonio: But the one I have is my granddad's.

Tootie: I know, and it's old. Plus, this one's silver. And look-

Tonio: Time after time I still find myself thinking of you?

Tootie: Cute right? Cyndi Lauper AND Katy Perry.

Tonio: I think I would have prefered it if it were your words, not some girl gay icons.

Tootie: Ya, but you love them both! And everytime I hear them sing, I think of you.

Tonio: Thanks. (puts it back in the bag)

Tootie: Why don't you put it in your pocket? I'll put your old one in the make-up room.

Tonio: Well I wasn't going to put it in my pocket right now.

Tootie: Why not?

Tonio: You know I keep it in memory of my grandad.

Tootie: Well ya, but I just thought you'd like a new one since you use it so much.

Tonio: I only use it because of the sentimental value.

Tootie: Oh. So you're not going to wear it?

Tonio: Well, it's pretty silly to have two pocket watches.

Tootie: Well sure little orphan Annie, but why not use mine sometimes?

Tonio: Maybe I will, it's just kinda silly. It's like buying an oven when you already have one.

Tootie: But it's a different color at least, and it can have some different kind of sentimental value.

Tonio: Of course. Here, why don't you open your gift.

Tootie: Abercrombie and Fitch cologne?

Tonio: Yeah, you said you liked the smell of it the last time we went there.

Tootie: I guess, I just feel like I put a little more thought into my gift.

Tonio: Well you said you liked it, I was listening.

Tootie: And do you have any idea how much that watch cost? And for you not to even want to use it?

Tonio: I'm sorry, you're right you put thought into it, it's just not something I need right now.

Tootie: Well what I need right now is to know that my boyfriend has some clue of who I am as a person, not just what I mention I kind of like.

Tonio: Well I don't need an un-grateful boyfriend!

Tootie: Fine! (walks off and goes out the door)

Tonio: Fine! (looks up to Jiles who's in the light booth) What?

Jiles: Just, come up here.

Tonio: God, can you believe him? I mean honestly, he's ridiculous!

Jiles: Well sorry man, but the gift was pretty lame.

Tonio: I know.

Jiles: You know? Then why did you get it?

Tonio: Because I spent all my money on something else.

Jiles: What could you have possibly spent so much money on? (Tonio pulls out a velvet box, and reveives an engagment band) Oh.

Tonio: Yeah.

Jiles: He doesn't know, you realize that right?

Tonio: Well obviously, if he knew I certainly hope he wouldn't have reacted that way.

Jiles: Well when are you gonna do it?

Tonio: Well I was thinking maybe tomorrow, I have a dinner-thing sort of planned.

Jiles: Well I think the sooner the better, because he's kind of suspicious.

Tonio: I know, but I want it to be a surprise.

Jiles: Well right now, the only surprise Tootie seems to be feeling is that of imense dissapointment.

(Jiles and Tootie are playing 'go fish' on the stage when Ella walks in)

Tootie: Um, can I help you?

Ella: Oh, well I didn't really expect anyone to be here, this is still Stonehill Theatre, right?

Jiles: (still looking down at his cards) Barely.

Ella: Jiles?

Jiles: Do I know you?

Ella: Jiles, it's me, Ella.

Jiles: Ella Almay?

Ella: The one and only. (they hug) God Jiles, it's been so long.

Jiles: Um ya, it has. What exactly brings you here?

Ella: Well the same as you of course! (dramatically) The call of the theater tugging me back!

Jiles: Uh, well that's not EXACTLY the same reason... (looks at Tootie) Oh, um right this is-

Tootie: Tootie, nice to meet you. (shake hands)

Ella: Tootie, is that your stage name?

Tootie: Sure. Well I'm just gonna leave you two alone to, catch up.

Jiles: So um, how've you been?

Ella: Good, good. Ya know, workin' hard.

Jiles: Acting?

Ella: Waitressing....mostly.

Jiles: Ah, I remember those days.

Ella: (sits) So what about you, huh? When I left you were the lead in Pippin, right?

Jiles, Ah yes, when you left.

Ella: Jiles don't make me feel bad, you're the one that wanted to stay.

Jiles: I couldn't afford it, remember?

Ella: I offered to pay, remember? (they laugh) But no, someone was too proud to accept charity.

Jiles: Still am.

Ella: What do you mean?

Jiles: Oh um, nothing, it's nothing.

Ella: Jiles you know if there's anything wrong-

(the curtains fling open to reveil Tootie dressed as Juliet in a high position (tower or on top of a ladder, anything tall) in drag as Juliet, Allison as below as Romeo)

Tootie: O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Allison: Shall I hear more or shall I speak at this?

Tootie: Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. (Molly comes out on stage during the monologe and starts barking and sniffing at Allison, she then precides over to Ella and sniffs her, then bites her leg by the time Tootie says 'smell as sweet')

Ella: Ouch!

Jiles: Sandy, bad girl! Bad girl!

Ella: Who are these people?

Jiles: Oh ya know, just your run-of-the-mill crazy actors.

Ella: A little too eccentric for my taste.

Jiles: Says the girl who jumped on the table at Friendlys to give use a rousing rendition of 'It's Raining Men' at 2 AM after opening night... (pause, realizing there are people watching them) Oh, Tootie. Would you mind carowling the bunch for me?

Tootie: Sure thing.

Ella: So this is still a theater?

Jiles: Um, kind of.

Ella: Kind of?

Jiles: Well it's a long story.

Ella: A long story?

Jiles: Yes.

Ella: Well I would love to hear it sometime. Say, over dinner?

Jiles: Well I'm kinda strapped for cash right now.

Ella: I'll-

Jiles: No, you're not paying.

Ella: Well fine then, why don't YOU invite me to dinner?

Jiles: Alright, Miss. Ella Almay would you care to go to dinner?

Ella: Why I would love to come over to your house and enjoy a candle lit dinner with my good old friend Jiles.

Jiles: Um, actually, ya know what? Why don't we have it here? Yeah, it'll be...nostalgic.

Ella: What a fabulous idea!

Jiles: I thought you might like it.

Ella: When is good for you?

Tonio: Jiles, get your butt down here!

Jiles: (runs down stairs from light booth) What is it?

Tonio: (holds up basket) I beleive that this belongs to you.

Jiles: (looks it over) Ah. (puts it on table or chair)

Tonio: So what is it?

Jiles: I believe it's called a basket.

Tonio: I'm a gay male, I know what a gift basket is.

Jiles: Oh no, my good friend, is a Ella Almay 'sorry basket'.

Tonio: What?

Jiles: Yup. Ella was never very good at saying she was sorry, so she makes baskets.

Tonio: What, does she have her maids put one together?

Jiles: No, actually Ella makes them all herself. It's always something she's been good at.

Tonio: So I'm guessing you've gotten one of these before.

Jiles: Once. One night she dropped a line and just stared at me. I tryed to get her going by saying things to hint at it, but she just stared at me. Later when some local reporter asked her about it, she said that it was my fault. I read it, and I got one of these.

Tonio: Why would she say that?

Jiles: She just didn't want to look bad, and she knew that it wouldn't matter as much if it was something that I did, because I just wasn't as into as she was.

Tonio: So what's in this one?

Jiles: Well, (begins to unwrap it) Homemade cookies. (throws them in the trash)

Tonio: Why did you just throw away some perfectly good cookies?

Jiles: Trust me, Ella made them. They're lethal.

Tonio: That bad, huh?

Jiles: Starving children in Bangladesh would say 'no thank you'. Let's see.... hm, an apple? A mini statue of liberty? An I heart NY shirt? A remote control taxi??? Oh, and what's this? (holds it up, and starts reading)

Tonio: What is it?

Jiles: It's a one way ticket to New York City. (pause) How could she do this?

Tonio: Oh yes, god forbid someone buys you a first class plane ticket to the most amazing city in the world. I see what you mean, this girl is just a witch!

Jiles: That's not what I mean. I told her I couldn't go, she's just trying to change my mind.

Tonio: Ya know you should seriously consider her offer.

Jiles: I have, it's a no.

Tonio:

Allison: Jiles!

Jiles: Hey? (sits down in a chair next to the bed)

Allison: So this is it, huh?

Jiles: You're not dieing.

Allison: I know, but this is the end of the hour incriments, of the worrying what crazy thing I'll do during the day. That's all gone, and.....

Jiles: What?

Allison: I'm afraid you'll get bored of me.

Jiles: Allison, I could never get bored of you. I love you, and as I recall someone very smart explaining to me, love is not normal. So as long as I love you, I can't be bored.

Allison: But what if you stop loving me?

Jiles: I feel like this whole thing has been a bigger obstacles than a lot of married couples have gone through.

Allison: I agree, this is rough.

Jiles: But, do you believe me that it will all be better when it's done?

Allison: I think so.

Jiles: Well try not to think too hard about it. (starts stroking her hair)

Allison: Are you scared?

Jiles: Am I scared? Shouldn't I be asking you that?

Allison: You should. Because I think the answer may surprise you.

Jiles: Oh really?

Allison: Yes, because I'm not scared. I'm ready, excited even.

Jiles: No, I actually did expect that from you, I think you're far braver than I am.

Allison: I'm not worried. Sleepy though.

Jiles: Well that's the drugs setting in.

Allison: It'll be weird waking up as myself.

Jiles: Well get used to it.

Allison: How's Molly?

Jiles: They've got her sleeping, but she'll have the surgery right after you.

Allison: So I'm the guinia pig?

Jiles: No, you'd be the second person in the world to get this surgery.

Allison: Did the last person make it?

Jiles: Ya, some guy from Canada

Allison: Clearly your research was extreamly extensive.

Jiles: Well mine might not be, but this doctors is. And this hospital has the best surgeons in the area.You are in the most capable hands.

Allison: I trust you. But Jiles, if I don't make it-

Jiles: Allison...

Allison: No, just listen. I know I never said I love you, but that's just because I didn't want to be lieing, because I wasn't sure if I knew what love was. And I feel like I wasn't in the right state of mind to be able to truly love someone, but if I get

Jiles: When you get

Allison: If I get through this, I want you to know that I'll finally be ready to love you, so don't go flirting with one of the nurses or something.

Jiles: Of course not, Allison.

Allison: And I'm sorry if this is all really cliche, but I think I've proven to be a huge cliche in myself. If I die, that's one, if I die now I'll have finished with saying something meaningful that's two, as for other one, that's for you to decide.

Jiles: The manic pixie dream girl thing?

Allison: Yeah. I think if things turn out alright I'll end up that way too. So I'll either be one cliche, or two.

Jiles: I'm kinda rootin' for one.

Allison: I hope you're okay. Because if something were to happen to me, I'd feel horrible knowing I left you not okay.

Jiles: I'm going to be able to start a new life with the girl I love, I'm more than okay.

Allison: But if something happens-

Jiles: It won't, it can't. We've been through too much as is.

Allison: You're right, I think we deserve one more cliche in the movie of our lives.

Jiles: What's that?

Allison: The happy ending.

(a nurse walks in)

Nurse: Excuse me, sir but we're about to take Allison into surgery, you're going to have to leave.

Jiles: Alright, I'll see you afterwards. (kisses Allison on the cheek)

Allison: Nurse?

Nurse: Yes?

Allison: Nevermind....

(Fade out)

Jiles: Well hello there, Glinda.

Allison: I don't even want to talk about it. How awful is this outfit, honestly?

Jiles: Aw, you look cute.

Allison: I look like the love child of pepto-bismol and tinsel.

Jiles: Ya well, you didn't really have a choice.

Allison: Ya, but god, I don't even LIKE the Wizard of Oz.

Jiles: Well I don't believe your stint as Hitler was something you enjoyed either.

Allison: I think that's the worst one I've ever been.

Jiles: Well the day you were Queen Elizabeth wasn't too enjoyable for the people around you.

Allison: Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Jiles: No, heavy is the person who has to carry in the dozen cups of tea you demand.

Allison: Sorry about that. (sits) So who was Molly?

Jiles: Um, the Wicked Witch actually.

Allison: Well THAT'S conveniant.

Jiles: Well Tonio was experimenting with foundations, and decided it would be a great idea to try it out on Molly while she slept. It turned out kind of, well, green. When Molly woke up, I guess she looked in the mirror, and just.... didn't have much of a choice. So really, it was convienient that you were Glinda. But ya know, it's that kind of stuff that makes me wonder if your choices are sometimes, sort of subconcious.

Allison: I'm not sure. I wish I could tell you. (pause) What happened to your computer?

Jiles: Um ya, that's my fault.

Allison: What do you mean?

Jiles: I was a little stressed last night, and kind of pushed my laptop off the table.

Allison: Are you serious?

Jiles: Unfortunatly.

Allison: How is Charlie? (the nickname of the labtop)

Jiles: Better than it's owner I think.

Allison: Aw, don't worry about it Jiles. You're a terrific writer. You just need to calm down and let the words come to you, they always do. (she yawns)

Jiles: You better take your shower now before you fall asleep.

Allison: Nah, I'll be okay for a little while longer.

Jiles: If you say so.

Allison: So Molly and I didn't emberess ourselves too much today, did we?

Jiles: Well you a tad more metaphoric than the norm.

Allison: (she laughs) What do you mean?

Jiles: Tootie and Tonio were fighting-

Allison: You're kidding....

Jiles: Afraid not.

Allison: I don't know how those two stay together, it seems like they're always fighting.

Jiles: I don't know, I think you have to fight to stay together. Ya know what I mean?

Allison: Afraid not.

Jiles: If you don't know what makes the other tick, then you don't know much. And if you never fight, quite frankly, it's too boring.

Allison: Well I don't like to fight.

Jiles: Well I don't think anyone would admit that they actually LIKE to fight with their friends, but any teenage girl is a pretty decent example of the need for some sort of drama, especially in their stale suburben lives.

Allison: I guess that makes sense. Like that movie Mean Girls?

Jiles: God, did Tootie rent that one again?

Allison: Last Friday. That boy loves him some Lindsey Lohan.

Jiles: Amen.

Allison: So why were you so stressed last night?

Jiles: Oh, it's just this ending.

Allison: Ah.

Jiles: I mean, you'd think after you've written this whole long story that MAYBE you'd be able to finish it off with a little elequence.

Allison: Elequence is over-rated.

Jiles: Well I just want it to be good.

Allison: I don't know, I've always kind of had a love hate relationship with endings. I mean a film can be a total regurgetated peice of crap, but if the ending is good, you still leave with a good feeling, thinking that it was a good movie. I wish that more movies focused on a more interesting ending.

Jiles: I've always had a soft-spot for the beginings of movies, myself. It's like a new chance for something great to be shown to you, something really amazing. But then someone dies or someone leaves and you just follow the average cliches.

Allison: Ya but cliche's ARE the movies. Like boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back. Or the final words of the character being so informative. Oh, and my personal favorite, the girl who comes into the boys life and shows him things he's never been able to before. She's quirky, and a little weird, misunderstood but gorgeous.

Jiles: A manic pixie dream girl.

Allison: A what?

Jiles: Manic pixie dream girl. That's what you're talking about. They're often troubled in some way, they've got a past, but their past has somehow sort of helped them come to their own conclusions on life, which they are quite excited to share with you. They often don't get attached easily, have trust issues, and trouble understanding things in many ways. They bring out the best in others, or at least parts that they didn't know existed in them. They're never 'normal', they've got to have something kind of 'off' about them. They're often sort of aimless, but brilliant. Like a bird or something.

Allison: Someone's been reading too many reviews.

Jiles: Hey, how else can I find such fantastic adjectives for the word 'horrible'.

Allison: Whatever. So who do you think is a Manic Pixe dream girl?

Jiles: Well some good examples are Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffanys, Natalie Portman in Garden State, and if you don't count age as a factor I'd have to say Maude from Harold and Maude as well as Baita from My Girl.

Allison: Are there manic pixie dream boys?

Jiles: Well sure I guess. I mean there must be.

Allison: Like Peter Pan.

Jiles: Deffinitly. I think Peter Pan may just be the quintesential model of the manic pixie dream boy.

Allison: Do you think I could be a one?

Jiles: A dream boy?

Allison: No, a manic pixie dream girl.

Jiles: Well, well sure.

Allison: Do you think I could be yours?

Jiles: Sure, why not?

Allison: So I've changed you?

Jiles: Well, I don't know about that.

Allison: Not at all?

Jiles: No you have, but I don't know if I'd say that you changed me enough to earn that sort of a title.

Allison: But I've got the quirks.

Jiles: That's true.

Allison: I'll be your manic pixie dream girl. I'll change you, you'll see.

My goal in life was not to be humble, symbolic, or fill peoples minds with new ideas. But I feel that this ending is not something that should be written by me. Not because I want to promote this person, or prove the way I feel about them. But because they summed up my story better than I ever thought possible. When my good friend Allison died, I found this piece of paper placed on my desk. I realized that she must have placed it there before we left without me noticing it. This is what it said:

I didn't believe in love, until I met you. I didn't believe that the fairy tale ending would ever be possible for me. I wanted to beleive that it could, I wanted to more than anything else. But at the same time I knew I was different, a fact that I always thought got in the way, but then I realized, Love is different. Well, love is a lot of things. Love is making pancakes at midnight, burning them and not caring. Love is accepting flaws, being excited by them, being someone's rock, someone's only, someone's manic pixie dream girl. Love is noticing what the other one smells like, putting engagment rings in Happy Meals, holding hands when you're scared. Telling you you look good when you don't, wanting to read the others notes and stories, even when they say they don't want you to.

and realizeing that maybe the story left unfinished is the best one. Happily ever after is over-rated, and I don't want to end my story with a cliche, but there it is. These are my last words, I think they're important. And I think that's all that matters.

Tootie: Soooo.....who was that?

Jiles: That was um, Ella.

Tootie: And whooo's Ella?

Jiles: We used to do shows together.

Tootie: I have a feeling that there's a little bit more to that story than you let on.

Jiles: Well, we were just really good together, had great chemistry, so we were usually cast alongside each other.

Tootie: Do you liiiiike her?

Jiles: Shut-up.

Tootie: Ya but do you liiiike her?

Jiles: She's more like a sister to me.

Tootie: I don't believe that for a minute. Your reaction was not a 'hey-it's-my-sister' reaction, it was a 'hey-it's-that-girl-that-I-used-to-have-the-most-giangantic-crush-on-ever-coming-back-to-give-me-a-second-chance-at-love' look.

Jiles: Well maybe you just have your 'looks' confused.

Tootie: I don't think so. I think that this just made your day.

Jiles: What makes you think that?

Tootie: Because you can't stop smiling.

Jiles: LIke I said, it's like seeing a sister you haven't talked to in years.

Tootie: Mhmm, well I don't think that a brother would be thinking the thoughts you're thinking about her right now.

Jiles: What?!?

Tootie: You know what I mean.

Jiles: Afraid not.

Tootie: Well, either way, you two seem close.

Jiles: Yeah, we were. I mean, it seemed like I was seeing her every weekend for rehersals, and then we'd go out for cast dinners, and cast parties, and I don't know. We were just kind of always together. And then of course, when you get cast as the couple in the play you spend a lot of time rehersing scenes together where it's just you, so you just get to know someone quickly that way. God, that stuff went on for years, and then one day she just left.

Tootie: Why?

Jiles: She was always one of those girls with stars in her eyes and her head in the clouds. She just lived for it, it was all she wanted. So she decided to go out and pursue it for real in New York. Just, left. After that, it seemed like the whole spirit of the theater was kind of gone, she was just one of those people that everyone liked, that brought people together. So after she was gone, a lot of people just weren't as excited to be here, and I think that's why they had to shut down.

Tootie: So that's why you're so bitter. Your lover left you.

Jiles: She was not my 'lover'.

Tootie: No but I bet you wish she was.

Jiles: Maybe a few years ago, but not anymore. She's too high-strung and prissy for me anyway.

Tootie: Ya know what your problem is? You like the girls you can't have, and don't care about the ones you can.

Jiles: What do you mean?

Tootie: You want Allison because you know you can't have her, and you wanted the old Ella because you couldn't have her then.

Jiles: Who says I couldn't have her?

Tootie: Because I've seen the 'Ella and Trent' hearts scrawled all over the light booth.

Jiles: God, Trent was so obnoxious, you have no idea. I can't understand why she would have ever even looked at him.

Tootie: Well it dosen't matter, because now you can have her, and you're acting like you don't want her, but I think deep down, you still kind of have a thing for her.

Jiles: You're crazy.

Tootie: Maybe, but she left, and I have a feeling you're still not over what you had with her.

Jiles: Whatever.

Tootie: Honey you can lie to me all night, but the only person you'll end up hurting is yourself this time. Give her a second chance, I don't think she'll leave. And ya know what, so what if she does? Follow her. Just because love's bit you once doesn't mean you can hide from it. And I know you're gonna keep saying that she's like your sister, but you know the truth. I'm not saying to scribble her name all over your trapper keeper just yet, but give her a shot. Worst case scenario is you two just end up closer as friends. And I think she's calmed down a bit, I mean look at it, she came back to the theater. YOUR theater.

Jiles: She's just reminissing, it's all just memories now.

Tootie: Maybe, but to make a memory you have to live in the now. So you can either go type the next great love story on your laptop, or you can actually go live it.

Jiles: Thanks for the philosophy, but I don't think she's going to come back.

Tootie: Why?

Jiles: She was never good at remembering dates.

Tootie: Well if she does that's a good sign.

Jiles: And if she doesn't?

Tootie: Then I won't tease you about it.

Jiles: Gee, thanks.

Jiles: If you had to have a conjoined twin, who would you want it to be?

Tonio: Brad Pitt.

Molly: Juliet.

Tootie: Oprah.

Jiles: Why?

Tootie: Because she's Oprah.

Tonio: Oh, can I switch to Oprah?

Tootie: No she's mine!

Jiles: You can be conjoined...triplets.

Tootie: Do those even exist?

Tonio: I don't think so.

Jiles: What planet would you like to rule?

Tootie: Uranus!

Tonio: Really?

Allison: Pluto.

Jiles: Well technically, Pluto's not a planet anymore.

Allison: Well I'm going to have to talk to someone about this.....

Tonio: Oh, like the big guy upstairs?

Tootie: But Jiles is downstairs.

Jiles: Was that a fat joke?

Tootie: It was a redundent joke.

Jiles: Well fortunatly I've gotten through my insecure teenage-girl phase without any major scars.

Tonio: Oh god don't even TALK about puberty with me.

Jiles: Why?

Tonio: I was freaking obese as a kid, I mean god.



Jiles: If you could only listen to three songs for your whole life, what songs would they be?

Molly: Anything that Juliet says is music to my ears....

Tootie: It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls, Dancing Queen by ABBA, and You Spin Me Round by Dead or Alive.

Jiles: Someone's stuck in the 80's.

Tootie: That's because the 80's had some of the best music of our life time. Duh.

Tonio: I'd choose Michael Bolton, 'Go The Distance'.

Jiles & Tootie: What?!?

Tonio: Shut-up, it's freaking inspirational! Um, other than that,


Jiles: If there is a God, and you met Him anything, what would you ask?

Tonio: Is Elvis still alive?

Tootie: Does Emeril eat at KFC?

Ella: Hey Mr. Writer guy.

Jiles: (the table goes silent) Um, do you guys mind? (they begin to talk again) What are you doing here?

Ella: Well, ya know, I was in the neighborhood.

Jiles: Aren't you supposed to be at the airport?

Ella: Well gosh Jiles, if you want me to leave I will.

Jiles: No, I'm sorry. I just thought you were already jetting your way to New York by now.

Ella: Well I was on my way there, but I had my driver drop me off here so I could say goodbye correctly. Tie up loose ends.

Jiles: Well consider us tightly wound.

Ella: Hardy har. (she sits on the table)

Jiles: So...

Ella: So...

Jiles: Say hello to Broadway for me.

Ella: Ya of course. But ya know, I've got a feeling it would rather have you say it in person.

Jiles: Well maybe I'll give it a call.

Ella: (smiles, pause) You know you could come.

Jiles: I know.

Ella: Come on, don't you want to remember what it's like to be praised, loved by hundreds again?

Jiles: Ya know there is more than one way to do that.

Ella: I know, but Jiles, you're good. No, scratch that, you're terrific. And I think you really do want to come.

Jiles: Actually, I think for the first time in a long time, it's true. I really want to stay here.

Ella: I never did understand your loyalty to this theater.

Jiles: Well it's more than just the theater now. I mean this is where my friends are, where Allison used to be.

Ella: What, she moved out?

Jiles: No, not exaclty. She died during experimental surgery.

Ella: Jiles, I'm so sorry.

Jiles: I believe you.

Ella: But, I don't know. I think that almost gives you more of a reason to leave here. Get out of the negative space, start anew. I mean honestly, what better place to do that than New York? Especially when a job that you love is waiting for you there.

Jiles: I know. I get it, but I just don't want to leave. You never liked the idea of 'home', because you were always moving. But I just can't pick up and leave on a whim. I have a family here.

Ella: They're not your REAL family.

Jiles: No you're right, they're not. But they're the closest thing I got.

Ella: Fine, I would say I understand but I don't. However, I will respect your decision, and leave quietly. (she opens the door, and turns around) Last chance.

Jiles: Goodbye, Ella.

(Ella exits)

(Jiles gets up and walks over to the table, and rings a glass)

Jiles: Excuse me, I would like to read something.

Molly: What is it?

Jiles: It is the ending of my book.

Tootie: Ooh, let's hear it!

Jiles: Alright, now remember this is the rough version, no one else has seen it, and it's not the greatest it could be but-

Tootie: Oh, just read it!

Jiles: Okay, okay. Here goes.

Allison: (in light booth) Oh how lovely to fly! (crawling on top of 'table' on the edge) You just jump on the winds back, and away you go!

Jiles: Allison!

Allison: Allison? You know, I think I once knew a girl named Allison. Did she die quite young?

Jiles: Allison, er, Peter, no! Please come off there.

Allison: Because you know I'm the one who guides the young children to heaven, but no one wants to talk about that! All they're interested in is that Wendy bird.

Jiles: Peter, you can't fly!

Allison: What are you talking about? Of course I can fly, you just think lovely thoughts, and away you go! (lifts arms about to jump off, luckily Tootie grabs him before he jumps) How dare you! (Tootie leaps up to reveal he has a hook in his hand)

Tootie: Blasted Peter Pan, silly man child! Trying to fly away from your troubles!

Allison: I'm not scared of you, have at thee! (pulls out a dagger to sword fight with)

Tootie: Oh you think you're so smart, don't you? Well if I were you I'd leave with my brain still in tact. (sword up to his head)

Allison: If you were me, (puts Tooties sword down) I'd be ugly.

Tootie: You're no match for me!

Allison: You're right, I'm far too good to be matched with you!

Tootie: I have a proposition.

Allison: Do tell.

Tootie: If you will stop, we will play a game.

Allison: (stops abruptly) A game?

Tootie: Yes.

Allison: Is it fun?

Tootie: But of course.

Allison: Alright, show me.

Tootie: It's called 'Truth Or Dare'.

Allison: What do you do?

Tootie: You ask someone truth or dare, and they choose one. If they choose 'dare' then you have to do what they tell you to. If you say 'truth' you have to tell a truthful answer to their question.

Allison: Alright, I'll give it a try.

Tootie: Good, you can go first. Truth or dare?

Allison: Dare, of course!


Jiles: Dare.

Tootie: Alright, I dare you to ask out Allison.

Allison: Oooh, who's Allison?

Tootie: Only the girl he's been lusting after for years.

Allison: What's she like?

Jiles: Tootie, just drop it.

Tootie: Oh she's just great, in fact. She looks a lot like you. Ya know brown hair, brown eyes...

Allison: Why do you like her?

Jiles: I'd really rather not talk about it.

Allison: Aw, come on.

Jiles: Aren't you supposed to think that girls are icky still?

Allison: I do, well, except Wendy. And I'm guessing Allison is like YOUR Wendy.

Jiles: Ya, something like that.

Allison: Hopefully it'll end up better between you two than it did with me and Wendy. Ya know I only get to see her once a year for spring cleaning.

Jiles: Well we have a similar arrangement. We don't get to see each other too often either.

Allison: I'm sorry. Is she special? Does she sew your pockets, read you stories?

Jiles: Not exactly.

Allison: I'm sure she's still pretty swell.

Jiles: Yeah, she's pretty great.

Allison: Why don't you kiss her?

Jiles: Well unfortunatly Peter, here in Not-so Neverland, unlike the acorns you call kisses, the ones that we give around here carry a little more weight with them.

Allison: What do you mean?

Jiles: Nevermind.

Allison: Well I think that if you like this girl, if you want her to be your mother, that you should ask her now, before she leaves you to start a family of her own. Before she replaces you with another little boy. Before she tries to kill your only friend by not believing in her. Before she sews a freaking shadow to your toes!

Jiles: Still a little bitter about that one, aren't ya there, Peter?

Allison: I don't wanna talk about it. (stomps off)

Tootie: I think Peter's right, Jiles.

Jiles: What is gonna do? Leave? She can't leave, she doesn't have the mental capacity.

Tootie: Ya never know, one of these days when you're not looking she might just sneak outside, and not come back.

Jiles: I doubt it.

Tootie: Sure, you can pout in a corner this Jiles, or you can man up. Ask her how she feels about you, Jiles.

Jiles: Maybe I will, but just, not today.

Tootie: Well to quote one of their previous characters, there's 'No Day But Today'.

Jiles: Ya, but all of those characters had AIDS.

Tootie: You take things far too literally. But seriously, if Twinkle toes can get the girl, then you can to.

Jiles: I don't know if you read Peter Pan, but he doesn't end up with Wendy in the end.

Tootie: No, but maybe if he had told her sooner....

Jiles: Then he wouldn't have ended up with her daughter?

Tootie: Yeah, that was a little creepy.


Jiles: Tootie have you seen Molly today?

Tootie: Uh ya, she's in the make-up room, braiding her hair.

Jiles: Oh ya? Who is she today?

Tootie: Rapunzel.

Jiles: We weren't sane. We weren't smart. Some called us artists. But we were no more artistic than anyone else. It was our world that was abstract. A world that made little sense, and somehow it (arguably) worked. We weren't trying to be 'new age' or 'prove anything'. We were just trying to mold a world that didn't belong to us.

We all ended up here in different ways, for different reasons, but somehow we came to form a sort of 'Brady-Bunch-on-acid' kind of dynamic. Life in this place changed as much as it's residents did. And yet, it was hauntingly the same everyday.

This story could start abruptly, but everything in this world is too abrupt already. So let's begin with an over-view, shall we? Five people somehow ended up living in an abandoned theater pretty much in the middle of nowhere. That's the basis of this story. The characters? Well, all of these people were vastly different, but find solace in one another somehow. First there's Allison and Violet. And yes, it is necessary to group them together. Although I'm no psychiatric personal, I can assure you that these girls were not normal. Everyday they woke up as another character. It was always someone from some movie or show they'd seen, and the vast amount of costumes, make-up and wigs gave them the tools to be someone different everyday. This might not seem like a huge dilemma, but you try convincing 'Simba' that they are in fact not allowed to eat raw meat. After that incident, we decided that we would have to carefully screen the movies that were brought home to watch. (of course, there's no erasing the years of movies and shows that were already experianced)

Allison was almost exaclty the same as Violet, except at night she was normal, but not for long. It was all very 'The Notebook'. She would be totally crazy one minute, but then an hour before she went to sleep she would be normal, high-functioning even. But she wouldn't remember the day before, just what had happened the last time she was 'regular' Allison. So it was like her life was being lived piece by piece, hour by hour with big gaps in the middle. But the sanity would never last past twelve o' clock and then it would be back to the rgular chaos.

Then there's, don't laugh, Tootie. Yes, that's his name. Not his legal name of course, but I don't think anyone knows that. In fact, I doubt even he does now. Tootie was a drag queen. And by 'was' I mean past tense. He used to be. He was actually paid to go to birthday parties and stuff, but eventually he got sick of it. And although he occasionally dawns a wig and dress, and of course, high heels, his beauty regiment is far less strenuous. (but I doubt he'd be caught dead without make-up)

Tonio was Tootie's boyfriend. Tonio made the money, him and Tootie were the only ones who left this place. he didn't have much, but he made enough...well, lets just say we ate a lot of ramen. He was a make-up artist, and he was actually pretty good. But he never really caught any big clients, so to make some extra money he sold fake signatures of celebrities on eBay.

And then, well, there's me. I'm kind of the glue of this whole operation. Just, try to keep peace between everyone, while still allowing a healthy dose of chaos to run through the veins of the home. My main job is to watch Violet and Allison and make sure they don't get into any real trouble. But my real passion is writing, and I've been working on my current novel for...well, a while. Long term writers block. I used to be an actor at this theater, but then it closed down. I came back here when I fell on hard times, knowing I could probably stay here. Well, I guess I wasn't the only one who had that idea. I guess a lot of them had kind of been fans of the theater when they were younger, and like me, fell on hard times. Some just thought they would visit, others knew that they wouldn't. So, we all became squatters and here we are.

I won't keep you much longer, because I don't want you to only hear this story from my point of view, as I do not see this as 'my' story. It's our story. And this is just the humble introduction.

The night before, he said 'I love you', she suddenly comes up randomly behind him as Jiles is writing / typing.

Allison: You can't love me.

Jiles: What?

Allison: You can't love me.

Jiles: Allison, I'm telling you, I can. Come with me, come and see this doctor. He says he can fix you. You'll remember everything, we can finally be together.

Allison: (bratty/puty) Ya well....what if I don't want to be fixed, huh?

Jiles: Allison, don't be silly.

Allison: Jiles, it's brain surgery! Don't you realize that I could die?

Jiles: I'm telling you, this doctor says it's safe, and I believe him. You and Molly will go in for it, and you'll come out better. Surgery has so many less risks than it used to.

Allison: If someone told you that today it was safter to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge than it was yesterday, would you still jump?

Jiles: You're being ridiculous, you know that if you do this that we can finally be together and live a real life, a better one. We won't just be playing house anymore.

Allison: I don't know if I want to RISK MY LIFE for something as pivatle as a relationship that may or may not work.

Jiles: I know it's not going to be easy, it's going to be hard. I get that. But I'm willing to work to keep it going, because that's all I really want.

Allison: But the risk....

Jiles: Don't you think our relationship is worth it?

Allison: I'm sorry, did we get married or something? Cause like most things, I seem to have no recollection of this.

Jiles: Fine, two can play that game. (sits at desk, and starts typing) Allison, I can not love you.

Allison: (more confused than sad) Why not?

Jiles: (more snobby and disinterested than angry) Because Allison, you're not normal.

Allison: Normal, what's normal? Nothing in this place is normal!

Jiles: But I want normal, I need it.

Allison: No, no you don't! You love my quirks, you thrive on the craziness!

Jiles: No, Allison. I can't handle you. Im not going to put myself through that.

Allison: You love me right?

Jiles: Allison...

Allison: No you do, I know you do. And love isn't meant to be normal, t's meant to be fun, exhilarating, even a little odd sometimes.

Jiles: Well then I guess I'm not ready for that. I guess I don't want that.

Allison: How can you not want love?

Jiles: Maybe I just don't want it from you.

Allison: Well ya know what, Jiles? That's too bad because I am the ONLY one around here that would be anything for you.

Jiles: You're right, you WOULD be anything. You and Molly, you're something different everyday.

Allison: You know what I meant. I meant that I'm the only one who could be anything important to you. I could love you if you let me.

Jiles: I can't love someone for an hour a day! Besides, I don't know how Ella would feel about that.

Allison: Ella, are you serious?

Jiles: What?

Allison: She's using you! Can't you see that? She only wants you for your talent. I want you for you, Jiles! Why can't you see that?

JIles: (sighs and puts head down, frustrated) I wouldn't be pushing you to get this surgery if I didn't. I think about us, the possibility of 'us' everyday. I think about...how you always tuck your hair behid your ear, how your eyes get small when you smile, how you always look more pretty when you take off the make-up. I mean, every love song reminds me of you, every time you're near me I breathe in deep so I don't forget what you smell like; ivory soap and peaches. And whenever I see someone sad, I can't help but wish they could meet you because I know if they did, that they couldn't help but to smile. (Allison takes his hand in hers)

Allison (sighs, 'happily' defeated) Schedule it.

Jiles: (smiles) Why?

Allison: Because I want to be able to remember what you smell like. (she looks over to see Molly) Molly!

Molly: Mary, what are you doing?

Allison: Molly....

Molly: Who's Molly? Mary, what are you doing with him?

Allison: Please, let me explain.

Molly: Mary, you can't love him. You're married to Joseph, what are you thinking? Mary mother of God would never do that. I would do that, but not you.

Allison: It's just that I-

Molly: And where's your hat-thingy? You always wear that. And you! (referring to Jiles) What are you doing? Don't you know who she is? And what are you talking about? Being a different person?

Jiles: Molly, you have to just listen to me.

Molly: No! And, and brain surgery? Mary, why do you need brain surgery?

Allison: Please just go to bed.

Molly: No, not until you tell me what you're talking about. You're not acting anything like you should be.

Jiles: Molly....

Molly: Who's Molly? Stop it! Stop talking like this. I don't need brain surgery, I don't, I don't! (puts hands over ears in rocks back and forth on the ground in fetal position)

Tonio: (walks in dressed as Tommy Lee, complete with a video camera) Pamela!

Molly: Tommy?

Tonio: Pamela my dear, come with me upstairs.

Molly: (complete turn-around of pure glee) Okay! (they go upstairs)

Jiles: Um...

Allison: Jiles.

Jiles: Tell me that didn't just happen.

Allison: I wish I could. Do you think she's gonna be okay?

Jiles: I don't know.

Allison: Maybe you should go check on her, and I don't know, try to come up with a good story or something.

Jiles: You're right, wish me luck.

Allison: Good luck. (walks offstage)

Jiles: Hey, thanks so much Tonio, really, I appreciate it. Nice guyliner by the way.

Tonio: Do you realize how lucky you are?

Jiles: Well, ya that's why I was thanking you.

Tonio: I just don't think you realize how large the consequences could have been from what you were doing.

Jiles: From talking to Allison?

Tonio: From yelling at Allison! You woke Molly up. Have you ever woken Molly up before?

Jiles: Well not to the point that she came downstairs.

Tonio: So you don't know what could have happened then? Jiles, Molly is so fragile. Waking her up at a different time than usual could totally mess her up. She could be confused about what character she is, and then who knows? What if she tries to get rid of one character, but doesn't know how? Or if she feels like she's two people and is scitzoprenic? And what would you have done if I hadn't come down here and got her upstairs? She could have run away or something, run away from these things that she thought she knew, and then suddenly doesn't. Do you not realize how much MORE you could screw that girl up?

Jiles: Oh shut-up she's fine. She won't remember any of it in the morning.

Tonio: And what were you thinking talking to Allison like that?

Jiles: You heard it?

Tonio:The whole house heard it.

Jiles: You can't tell me what to say, what to do what to feel.

Tonio: Ya? What are you basing your 'love' on, Jiles? A couple hours together?

Jiles: It's not a couple of hours, it's just that our time is spent in small incriments, which is not my fault.

Tonio: Jiles you have not spent a whole day with this girl.

Jiles: Well, sure technically, but I've deffinitly spent more than twenty four hours with her.

Tonio: That's totally different. You don't know what she looks like in the morning, teeth un-brushed, hair un-combed. You don't know what it's like to have her give you the silent treatment for days because you two got in a silly fight, I mean, you've never had to talk to her about anything REALLY important before, no wonder she's hesitant. I mean, you're asking her to risk your life so that you two can have a chance at having a relationship?

Jiles: You have no idea what happens between us while you're all sleeping!

Tonio: Really? Enlighten me.

Jiles: I bet you I know just as much as Allison as you do about Tootie, they're just, different things. I know her mom's maiden name, her favorite subject in highschool, and about the years she spent in a phsyciatric facility where the only friend she had was Molly.

Tonio: Allison went to highschool?

Jiles: Of course. Did Tootie not tell you about the accident?

Tonio: Apparently not.

Jiles: Well it wasn't a real high school, it was for people with special needs and mental problems, so it was like half boarding school, half That's where she met Molly. They were really an oddity, only twenty-five people in the world have been diagnosed with their condition. But it's more likely that there's more people out there who are being diagnosed with skitzophrenia instead. But they're not skitzophrenic, they don't have multiple characters that they come back to. They're someone different everyday. So basically because they both had the same issues, they were often placed together in classes and soon became really close. And then one day, they ran off. I don't really know what happened with their parents, but sometimes when they're sleeping, I hear Molly talk about hers. They beat her I think. Allison just says 'Mommy, Daddy' over and over again. I wonder if they ever visited those two at the school.

Tootie: I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

Tonio: Why, babe, what happened?

Tootie: I can't tell you, I can't tell you.

Tonio: Tootie, honey, what's wrong, you need to tell me.

Tootie: I didn't mean to, I didn't want to....

Tonio: Tootie, you need to tell me.

Tootie:I can't, I can't.

Tonio: Whatever it is we'll get through it. Honey, please, please tell me.

Tootie: Please, please understand, I didn't mean for this to happen.

Tonio: Honey, whatever it is, I'm here for you. You're upset, now please explain to me why my baby's upset.

Tootie: Yes, I know. Yes, yes.....But you need to see, you need to understand.

Tonio: I promise, I love you now please just tell me why you're crying.

Tootie: I, I didn't mean to. It wasn't suppose to happen like that.

Tonio: What, what happened?

Tootie: I went to a bar, to try to get my thoughts together, blow off some steam, and I started talking to this guy. And I knew I shouldn't have been, I knew what he was looking for, but he seemed I don't know okay. I felt like I could talk to him, like he was actually interested in me. And I think I just needed to be wanted, just needed to think I was worthy of that kind of affection still. So I talked to him, and I told him that I was a little stressed, so he asked me if I wanted to take a walk. It sounded like a good idea at the time.... So I told him I was going to go to the powder room really quickly, and when I came back I finished my drink and we left. He started talking about how cute he thought I was, how interesting, and then it was like his words were getting all scrambled and messed up, so I just stopped, and then, I don't know. I must have fainted or something. I can't remember anything after that, but then I woke up, and I was in a bed of trash bags in an alley, I was bruised all over. He wasn't really gay, he just wanted to beat me up, and and....(starts crying)

Tonio: Shh, shh.

Tootie: This never would have happened if hadn't started a fight over something as stupid as that. Why did I do that?

Tonio: Because, you know you can. You know that I care about you so much that you know no matter what, we'll be okay.

Tootie: I shouldn't have gone, I shouldn't have even talked to him.

Tonio: You didn't know. And I can't believe what that bastard did to you. Spiked your drink and then beat you up like that, I mean, god.....That's why I never go to clubs, those kinds of guys drive me nuts. Ya know, you're actually lucky, some guys have been killed because of those guys.

Tootie: I know, I know.... I'm stupid, so stupid.

Tonio: No you're not, you're perfect. You're more than perfect, you're mine. And now you're here with me, and I'm not gonna hurt you. You're gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.